'Who am I?' - Finding your Essence

'Who am I?'  It's one of the most painful questions we can ask ourselves, and yet arguably the most powerful for our ultimate psychological and spiritual well-being.  It comes from a place of total vulnerability that few dare enter, yet when asked earnestly it can lead to a dramatically increased sense of centredness, self-confidence and purpose.  A loss of personal identity can be hugely de-stabalising, leading to grief and depression but it's also a great opportunity to shine a light on who you really are, deep down at your chore.  It's what I've come to term Source Energy.

What is 'Source Energy?'

Source Energy is the term for the chore of who we are.  It is our true higher self.  The soul in it's purest form.  It is without attachment, conditioning and personality and yet it is completely unique.  It is what continues after our death.  It is our essence.

Once we become identified with our own source energy, we will begin to see life very differently.  We are much clearer in ourselves and thus come from a place of total authenticity.   We know what serves us and those around us and what doesn't.  And we trust that by simply acting from this place, our life purpose will already be being fulfilled.

So, how do we sieve through the clutter of our personality and conditioning to get to this place?

Panning for Gold

What we have to sieve through is basically our Ego personality.  It is the part of us that has built up over time due to attachment and identification to certain things that felt good or bad.  It is our conditioning.  It is the part of us that searches for fulfillment from the outside world.  It can be based on fear and a desire for control, but it can also be more subtle than that.  For example, a person who has developed humour as a way to become popular at school will now identify with being funny.  Or, a person who felt guilty as a child as they blamed themselves for pain suffered by their parents, who now is identified as a person who helps other people. 

So, how can we begin to do this?

Mindfulness - becoming 'The Observer'

It will be of great benefit to become the observer of our thoughts, emotions and body.  This can be enhanced through meditation and mindfulness practice as well as body work such as yoga and tai chi. When we are coming from the place of the observer, we are able to pick up the relationship between our thought patterns (conditioning) and our emotions.  If we notice that a particular thought is accompanied by a sense (often subtle) of needing the situation to be a certain way, then we are able to let it go.

In the beginning this will take some practice and concentration, but after a while 'the observer' will begin to dissolve into 'witness consciousness' which takes no effort at all as it is a natural aspect of our source energy.

Doing what you love

What really floats your boat?  Do you have any hobbies that got forgotten or you just don't have time for?  What did you love as child?  If you can find what really drives your passion then you are taking a huge step closer to your source energy.

Finding the Aligned Expression of You

Our source energy is unique to all of us.  Therefore, it is very difficult to define.  It more of a feeling of clarity, openness and trust.  This feeling is observable in the way that you express yourself in daily life.  So, how do you find the expression that is aligned with your source energy?

Firstly, it's very important to know that behind every distorted expression governed by fear or control, there is an aligned truth.  You ARE expressing your truth in every moment - only, it gets distorted when you get attached to the drama.  For example, it is easy to get addicted to things that give us pleasurable feelings, but these feelings are all accessible within you, without the use of outside enhancements. 

An aligned expression of you is one that supports yourself and those around you, serving the highest good in any moment, without seeking to judge or control.  We won't get it right all of the time, but we can trust that if we are coming from a place of authenticity, then we are supporting the highest good, even if that is to challenge someones limiting perspectives.

Let's take our earlier examples: 

• The person who uses humour to be popular is expressing an aligned characteristic - being too serious shows us that we are attached to an outcome.  However, they are doing it in a way that is needy.  What they are searching for is connection.  But this connection can be found in your source energy.  A connection to yourself is a connection to the whole universe
  
• Someone who helps others in order to placate their guilt and feel like a 'good person' is expressing an aligned characteristic - the dedication to serving all of life.  However, they are probably sacrificing their own truth in order to fulfill the need to be a 'good person'.  Sometimes the best way to help others is to show them that you are a person with needs too.
  

Conclusion

It is not an easy path, but it is a hugely rewarding one.  It is likely to take many years to master.  Don't be afraid to be confused sometimes - confusion is of the mind - it simply shows us that our limiting perspectives are breaking down.  The key is being willing to be vulnerable and being totally honest with yourself.  If you can master that, then you surely won't go far wrong.

With love,

Richard