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From my heart to yours

A matter of perspective...

26/10/2016

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He he.  Winnie is so wise.

Pooh image quote
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'I told you so!' - Simple yet powerful ways of improving communication with loved ones

22/10/2016

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"If you think you're enlightened, try spending a week with your family" - Ram Dass
Recently I've been exploring the way I relate to my nearest and dearest, as well as other colleges and friends.  How we relate to people has a massive impact on our consciousness and those around us and seeing as our loved ones are so dear to us, it's very important we explore how we relate to one another.  Relating to the people around us can be tough, especially to the most powerful of button pushers - our family.

My sharing - how I've related to people up until now

As a child I often felt like I was being pushed into a box  This came from adults around me but was also often of my own making, because of a desire to please.  And because of my desire to please I actually became very good at blending into whatever situation I was put in.   I almost didn't notice that in many of these situations I wasn’t 'me' any more.  It meant that I often agreed with people because I adopted their truth as mine.  Then in my early 20's I met a lady who encouraged me to stand in my truth, for example that I would sometimes say 'no' when people asked something of me, and I began to become more aware of my own energy frequency.  But then the pendulum swung the other way and I would express my truth with my family, sometimes in very challenging and confrontational ways, which of course closed people down and lead to lots of angry exchanges.

So, over the years I've been seeking some kind of equilibrium, with the question, "how can I adequately express my own truth without undermining anybody else's?"

One lesson that has been tough for me is to learn to become unattached to whether people understand me or not, and to accept other people’s truths even when they are go against mine and have an impact on my own life.  And this has certainly been put to the test since I had children.  It can be all too easy to control the vulnerable, but how do we balance setting boundaries with giving the child space to be themselves, even when their truths are sometimes so frustrating for us parents?  How do we react when other significant figures in their lives treat them in ways that we don't approve of?

It's all about the energy

Angry interaction
What I've learnt over time and am only now beginning to really grasp, is that what you say in interactions, while important to make yourself understood, is not the most important thing.  The most important thing is the quality of energy you bring to your interactions.

Here are a few ways in which you can be mindful of the energy you're bringing to the interaction:
  • Looking for your own 'triggers' - firstly it's important to be mindful of what triggers strong emotion in you, such as anger or jealousy.  When we know ourselves well enough to know how we will react to something, then we can begin to work with our reactions with awareness.
  • Building empathic bridges - This is hugely important.  It's not only important in our interactions to be mindful of other peoples' perspectives, but also to show people that you are empathising with their perspective, even if you don't agree with it.  This shows people that you have heard them.  It may seem something reasonably insignificant, but think about how it makes you feel if you are talking to someone who is not really listening and can't wait to get their point of view across. 
  • Teamwork - Solve any problems/issues together.  Recognising that your truth is not the only truth and that, even if you think the other person is wrong, that their truth is just as important as yours.  This is a massive step in conscious relating.  And remember ‘compromise’ is not a four letter word.
  • Know when to turn the other cheek - Sometimes remaining silent is the most aligned expression, particularly during an aggressive interaction.  It shows people that you are happy in your own truth and you don't wish to engage in such an aggressive energy.  Another powerful way of expressing is simply to ask a question.  Try to make it as open as possible and avoid challenging questions that often begin with 'why'.  A powerful one can be "How do you think this makes me feel?"
  • Try to find the compassionate approach - Of course many interactions will trigger negative emotions within you.  It's important not to push these away and ignore them, but it's also important not to project the energy onto the other person.  Phrases such as "I feel angry right now.  Perhaps this is not a good time to talk” can be very powerful as the other person can acknowledge your feelings without feeling like their own expression has been undermined.  Then you can go away and work on yourself.  ”.   Let the anger express itself in a safe environment.  I like to retreat into my bedroom and beat up my pillow.  Then ask yourself where the anger is coming from – it’s often a need to control the situation in some way - and work to let go of this need.

People respond more to energy than words

Test it for yourself.  If you focus more on the energy you are giving an interaction you'll start seeing interesting results.  If we express our own truth clearly an compassionately then people sense this, even if it goes against their own truth.  We can't change people, just as they can't change us, and we shouldn't try.  But, if we are focused on our expressing our truth, while acknowledging someone else's with compassion, the interaction will always be a winning one.

Non - Violent Communication

There's some great work by Marshal Rosenberg on non-violent communication.  Of course this way of interaction can be difficult as we have been conditioned otherwise, but with lots of awareness and practice we begin to refine our communication with others and recognise the energetic dynamics in play during interactions.
For tons of information and courses on non-violent communication you can check out either:
The Center for non-violent communication, or
Non-violent communication.com

Here are some great videos, which apply the basics of non-violent communication.  I'd encourage you to watch all three to get a full picture of what it's about.
Finally, good luck.  I applaud you for taking on this exploration.  You need to be brutally honest with yourself.  Sometimes you may not like what you see, so just go easy.  Negative, ego driven interactions with people are not your fault – they are simply a result of your conditioning, so don’t judge yourself.  They are, however, your responsibility so keep at it.  You’ll be surprised how much better your life will become.
I'd also encourage you to express your own thoughts or questions in the 'comments' section below.
Much love,

Richard
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Trollabundin - Spellbound

18/10/2016

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Spellbound
I was shown this video some time ago and it absolutely blew me away.  The singer is Eivor, she sings this song in the language from the Faroe Islands, Faroese. 
It's called Trollabundin, which means 'spellbound'.  In the video she sings in the mountains, with video of her and the dramatic scenery.  Her voice has such a primal power to it, it reaches right to the chore.
Be sure to watch all the way to the climactic ending.  It's sure to give you goose bumps!

Lyrics

Trøllabundin eri eg eri eg
Galdramaður festi meg festi meg
Trøllabundin djúpt í míni sál í míni sál
Í hjartanum logar brennandi bál brennandi bál

Trøllabundin eri eg eri eg
Galdramaður festi meg festi meg
Trøllabundin inn í hjartarót í hjartarót
Eyga mítt festist har ið galdramaður stóð


Spellbound I am, I am
The wizard has enchanted me, enchanted me
Spellbound deep in my soul, in my soul
In my heart burns a sizzling fire, a sizzling fire
 
Spellbound I am, I am
The wizard has enchanted me, enchanted me
Spellbound in my heart's root, my heart's root
My eyes gaze to where the wizard stood

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Is Morality Judgemental? Taking Inspiration from Life without Limiting Ourselves

16/10/2016

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Lord of the Rings
J.R.R Tolkien, author of 'The Lord of the Rings' was asked countless times in his life, by members of different religions, philosophers and fans, to comment on the many morals one can take from his books.  However, Tolkien always refused to do this, despite his books being so apparently full of life lessons.  
Tolkien stated that his stories, and the world he created for them, were simply 'full of life', and that he intended no specific morals to be gained by the reader.
I absolutely love this perspective.  You see, we all can learn from life experiences as well as from reading books, watching movies and listening to music.  But are these really morals?  Let's explore the difference between a 'moral' and an 'organic life lesson'. 

Why is a 'moral' judgemental?

Going through life, we pick up on different things - things that either confirm our perspective, deny or go against it, or add to/alter it in some way.  We all have different ways of perceiving life, and what we resonate with will depend on our own 'frequency', our specific vibration. 
So, those who stay open and aware will pick up 'organic life lessons' on a regular basis. This adds to our existing perspectives or alters them in some way (inspiration).  For example you may read 'The Lord of the Rings' and and come away with a sense that community and unity are important when overcoming adversity, so you may take this into your daily life and act on it accordingly. 
Working Together
Where this becomes a 'moral' from my perspective is when this becomes a fixed view point - in essence you have identified with that moral  (let it define you) and now you are forcing it into your daily life by never wavering from this perspective.  It doesn't matter if  you feel to do something alone this time, because you believe that things are always best achieved in co-operation and community. 
So, you have formed a judgement - a fixed view point on life, which holds you to a fixed way of being, despite the fact that you, in your essence are not so fixed and neither does life work in that way.

Society's fixation with 'morals' and denial of 'life'

The thing that probably all elderly people get asked at some point, and I must admit I've  asked this question too, is 'If you could depart one lesson from your life, what would it be?'  To me this shows our thirst for morality, a specific life lesson that we can take and hold on to.  Religions are saturated with moral codes - specific guidelines for which to lead our lives in a 'good' way.  Even non-religious people often have an unwavering code of ethics. 
Jellyfish
And this is all very well and good, but can you see how limiting this can be?  I put it to you that life is not a fixed pattern, following rules and regulations, but a tapestry of interrelating 'truths' ever changing like a jelly fish, organically moving as one yet pliable and not fixed to one particular shape.  I put it to you that life has no moral - life simply experiences life.

How can we learn 'organic life lessons without becoming identified with fixed morals?

For this we have to really know who we are deep down, beyond our body, beyond our emotional triggers, even beyond our fixed thought patterns.  We have to know that we are unbound potential, albeit manifesting this in our own unique way.  A great way to start is by becoming the Observer of all our feelings and thoughts.  Then we can recognise and letting go of old patterns that no longer serve us.  This leads to a  facilitating of ourselves to find our own aligned expression in each and every moment.

What makes books like 'The Lord of the Rings brim with so much life?

We will still find inspiration from books or movies like 'The Lord of the Rings' or, 'The Little Prince' because they are so full of life.  They take the reader into the essence of life, not shying away from the darker sides, but also highlighting the majestic beauty of it, the magic that we can all feel running through our veins.   They depict the rich tapestry of life in a raw way that touches us deep inside.
The important thing is that we feel inspiration, which opens us up to greater potential, rather than clinging to fixed morals or lessons which close us down to the pure potential of the moment.
If you want help with realising your potential and embracing life, please Contact Me.
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Book Review: 'The Girl with the Green-Tinted Hair' - Gavin Whyte

12/10/2016

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I've just finished reading 'The Girl with the Green-Tinted Hair', by Gavin Whyte.  It's a lovely short story, a fable if you like, full of life and magic. 
The Girl with the Green Tinted Hair
Without giving too much away, the book explores the relationship between a boy and a girl that he meets, who shows him just how beautiful life and death really are.  It takes the reader through each season showing how the magic of life can be experienced by everyone.

It's really an uplifting book, taking you through a myriad of emotions as you follow the boys journey.
Even though, as the book progresses, I had a feeling of how it would end, that didn't stop a tear being shed at the beauty of what happened.
If you're interested in taking a look, you can buy it on Amazon here.
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Destiny: Knowing your purpose in life

9/10/2016

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I've heard of few people talking about their destiny recently.  It's often with reference to some kind of imagined role that they have yet to play out, which somehow benefits humankind.  But is this really what destiny means?  Do we have a purpose to fulfill in this life? If so, is this some outer achievement?

Is destiny goal orientated?

enlightenment
Earlier in my journey I often imagined that I had some purpose to fulfill.  For me this was a dream of writing a book, a fictional novel, that would touch millions, or I would create some kind of paradise on earth out of bought land and hold workshops and retreats there.
If I think back to my psyche at the time, I guess I was a little lost.  I was insecure about myself in many ways and this imagined purpose was my way of boosting my ego by imagining that I would do something great with the things that I was good at. 
Where did this insecurity come from?  For me it was due an attachment to becoming enlightened.  Because I wanted to achieve this spiritual 'goal' I was grasping at an aligned expression of my soul (writing for example) and becoming attached to it, imagining that this outer expression of me would come when I attained enlightenment.  Essentially I was identifying with the goal, thus creating a disparity between where I was at the time and where I wanted to be.

Moving beyond goal identity

How did I move beyond this?  In truth it didn't come from one "Aha!" moment but a series of smaller realisations.  Over time, my definition of 'being enlightened' changed as I realised that it's not some outer goal to be attained but rather a way of being in every moment.  So, I dropped the notion of 'attaining' anything other than the most aligned expression of me in every moment.
I cannot give you one 'quick fix' answer here, as these realisations are unique to everybody and will come in their own time.  They often come from fixed patterns, a lack of self worth that originates from childhood. The only thing  I can say is to explore yourself in every moment - become the observer of your thoughts and emotions, and these realisations will come.  If you resonate with what I've said, then test it for yourself with absolute honesty, and be patient.  Work to transcend any distorted behaviours by accepting them fully and then looking deeper for the aligned expression. 

Aligned Destiny

change your destiny
Behind every distorted Ego expression is an aligned truth.  Your soul wants to express, there's no running away from that.  I still express myself through writings, not in the form of a novel (at the moment) but through my blog.  The difference is that it is simply an up-welling of expression - whatever I feel to write about at the time.  Thus, there is no attachment to an outcome.  Having lots of people read it certainly serves to motivate me to continue - it is a positive feedback loop which shows me that I'm on the right track, but it's not something that I need to fulfill something inside of me. Thus, if I'm moved to go in a different direction I will, without feelings of loss.

Visions of the future

One thing I've come to realise is that time is not linear.  All that exists is this moment of now.  Past and future do exist, only as reflections of the present.  The past happened but it's current existence depends entirely on our current perception of it.  Visions of the future will come, but they are based on the present - the current direction I am heading in. 
It is important to release attachment to these future visions.  By clinging to one possible outcome you are limiting the pure potential of existence.   Both life and ourselves are not fixed, but ever changing, flowing processes.  So, our future may change depending on what is happening in the present. 
Picture

Naturally occurring purpose

To me, our purpose occurs naturally through expressing who we are, fully, in every moment, in the most aligned way possible.  Destiny, is simply the fulfillment of that purpose - i.e. the ripples you send out into the outside world as a result of that expression.  So, if you feel that you're destiny has somehow evaded you in your life, don't worry - by expressing yourself as truly as you can, right here and now, you are already fulfilling it!
For further exploration, check out this lovely article by Nanice Ellis on purpose and the meaning of life.
- With Love,

Richard

If you would like help realising your own unique purpose please get in touch and book a session.
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    My name is Richard.  I love to write, and here you can find my general musings, observations and articles.  Enjoy!

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Parting the Waves - conscious relating


Articles List
  • Letting go - how to do it
  • Being in the moment vs. daydreaming
  • Why Die Consciously?
  • Too much noise: steps toward 'Inner Peace'
  • Shores of Avalon - Transition into Death and other Densities
  • 'The Observer' Pt1: What is the observer?
  • 'The Observer' Pt2: Simple steps to cultivate the observer
  • 'The Observer' Pt3: Going beyond the mind
  • 'Be as a Lake': A fresh perspective on pain
  • Destiny: Knowing your purpose in life
  • Is Morality Judgmental? Taking Inspiration from Life without Limiting Ourselves
  • ‘I told you so!’ Simple yet powerful ways of improving communication with loved ones
  • What makes you feel truly alive?
  • The importance of balancing the big picture with the little picture in current global events
  • How to Channel your Sadness into Beauty
  • Recovering from Loss of Identity
  • Understanding Grief
  • 'Who am I?' - Finding your Essence
  • Dying to Live - Embracing Change
  • Heaven in Your Eyes - Opening up to the Twin Flame
  • Overcoming Fear by Embracing Death - Pt 1: Our fears
  • Overcoming Fear by Embracing Death - Pt 2: Identity and the 'Self'
  • Overcoming Fear by Embracing Death - Pt 3: Unity Vs. Individuality
  • To BE or not to BE: How to Live your Spirituality
  • True Healing: How It's Possible For Everyone
  • The Hugging Dilemma: Deep Connection vs. Personal Boundaries
  • Breaking Free of the Box: How to Overcome Guilt from Unreachable Standards
  • The Healing of the Divine Masculine
  • Are You Responsible for Other People's Suffering?
  • Why You No Longer Need to Fear Death
  • The Paradox of Passion
























































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