"If you think you're enlightened, try spending a week with your family" - Ram Dass
Recently I've been exploring the way I relate to my nearest and dearest, as well as other colleges and friends. How we relate to people has a massive impact on our consciousness and those around us and seeing as our loved ones are so dear to us, it's very important we explore how we relate to one another. Relating to the people around us can be tough, especially to the most powerful of button pushers - our family.
My sharing - how I've related to people up until now
As a child I often felt like I was being pushed into a box This came from adults around me but was also often of my own making, because of a desire to please. And because of my desire to please I actually became very good at blending into whatever situation I was put in. I almost didn't notice that in many of these situations I wasn’t 'me' any more. It meant that I often agreed with people because I adopted their truth as mine. Then in my early 20's I met a lady who encouraged me to stand in my truth, for example that I would sometimes say 'no' when people asked something of me, and I began to become more aware of my own energy frequency. But then the pendulum swung the other way and I would express my truth with my family, sometimes in very challenging and confrontational ways, which of course closed people down and lead to lots of angry exchanges.
So, over the years I've been seeking some kind of equilibrium, with the question, "how can I adequately express my own truth without undermining anybody else's?"
One lesson that has been tough for me is to learn to become unattached to whether people understand me or not, and to accept other people’s truths even when they are go against mine and have an impact on my own life. And this has certainly been put to the test since I had children. It can be all too easy to control the vulnerable, but how do we balance setting boundaries with giving the child space to be themselves, even when their truths are sometimes so frustrating for us parents? How do we react when other significant figures in their lives treat them in ways that we don't approve of?
It's all about the energy
What I've learnt over time and am only now beginning to really grasp, is that what you say in interactions, while important to make yourself understood, is not the most important thing. The most important thing is the quality of energy you bring to your interactions.
Here are a few ways in which you can be mindful of the energy you're bringing to the interaction:
People respond more to energy than words
Test it for yourself. If you focus more on the energy you are giving an interaction you'll start seeing interesting results. If we express our own truth clearly an compassionately then people sense this, even if it goes against their own truth. We can't change people, just as they can't change us, and we shouldn't try. But, if we are focused on our expressing our truth, while acknowledging someone else's with compassion, the interaction will always be a winning one.
Non - Violent Communication
There's some great work by Marshal Rosenberg on non-violent communication. Of course this way of interaction can be difficult as we have been conditioned otherwise, but with lots of awareness and practice we begin to refine our communication with others and recognise the energetic dynamics in play during interactions.
For tons of information and courses on non-violent communication you can check out either:
The Center for non-violent communication, or
Here are some great videos, which apply the basics of non-violent communication. I'd encourage you to watch all three to get a full picture of what it's about.
Finally, good luck. I applaud you for taking on this exploration. You need to be brutally honest with yourself. Sometimes you may not like what you see, so just go easy. Negative, ego driven interactions with people are not your fault – they are simply a result of your conditioning, so don’t judge yourself. They are, however, your responsibility so keep at it. You’ll be surprised how much better your life will become.
I'd also encourage you to express your own thoughts or questions in the 'comments' section below.
Be sure to watch all the way to the climactic ending. It's sure to give you goose bumps!
Tolkien stated that his stories, and the world he created for them, were simply 'full of life', and that he intended no specific morals to be gained by the reader.
I absolutely love this perspective. You see, we all can learn from life experiences as well as from reading books, watching movies and listening to music. But are these really morals? Let's explore the difference between a 'moral' and an 'organic life lesson'.
Why is a 'moral' judgemental?
Going through life, we pick up on different things - things that either confirm our perspective, deny or go against it, or add to/alter it in some way. We all have different ways of perceiving life, and what we resonate with will depend on our own 'frequency', our specific vibration.
Where this becomes a 'moral' from my perspective is when this becomes a fixed view point - in essence you have identified with that moral (let it define you) and now you are forcing it into your daily life by never wavering from this perspective. It doesn't matter if you feel to do something alone this time, because you believe that things are always best achieved in co-operation and community.
So, you have formed a judgement - a fixed view point on life, which holds you to a fixed way of being, despite the fact that you, in your essence are not so fixed and neither does life work in that way.
Society's fixation with 'morals' and denial of 'life'
The thing that probably all elderly people get asked at some point, and I must admit I've asked this question too, is 'If you could depart one lesson from your life, what would it be?' To me this shows our thirst for morality, a specific life lesson that we can take and hold on to. Religions are saturated with moral codes - specific guidelines for which to lead our lives in a 'good' way. Even non-religious people often have an unwavering code of ethics.
And this is all very well and good, but can you see how limiting this can be? I put it to you that life is not a fixed pattern, following rules and regulations, but a tapestry of interrelating 'truths' ever changing like a jelly fish, organically moving as one yet pliable and not fixed to one particular shape. I put it to you that life has no moral - life simply experiences life.
How can we learn 'organic life lessons without becoming identified with fixed morals?
For this we have to really know who we are deep down, beyond our body, beyond our emotional triggers, even beyond our fixed thought patterns. We have to know that we are unbound potential, albeit manifesting this in our own unique way. A great way to start is by becoming the Observer of all our feelings and thoughts. Then we can recognise and letting go of old patterns that no longer serve us. This leads to a facilitating of ourselves to find our own aligned expression in each and every moment.
What makes books like 'The Lord of the Rings brim with so much life?
We will still find inspiration from books or movies like 'The Lord of the Rings' or, 'The Little Prince' because they are so full of life. They take the reader into the essence of life, not shying away from the darker sides, but also highlighting the majestic beauty of it, the magic that we can all feel running through our veins. They depict the rich tapestry of life in a raw way that touches us deep inside.
The important thing is that we feel inspiration, which opens us up to greater potential, rather than clinging to fixed morals or lessons which close us down to the pure potential of the moment.
If you want help with realising your potential and embracing life, please Contact Me.
I've just finished reading 'The Girl with the Green-Tinted Hair', by Gavin Whyte. It's a lovely short story, a fable if you like, full of life and magic.
It's really an uplifting book, taking you through a myriad of emotions as you follow the boys journey.
Even though, as the book progresses, I had a feeling of how it would end, that didn't stop a tear being shed at the beauty of what happened.
If you're interested in taking a look, you can buy it on Amazon here.
I've heard of few people talking about their destiny recently. It's often with reference to some kind of imagined role that they have yet to play out, which somehow benefits humankind. But is this really what destiny means? Do we have a purpose to fulfill in this life? If so, is this some outer achievement?
Is destiny goal orientated?
If I think back to my psyche at the time, I guess I was a little lost. I was insecure about myself in many ways and this imagined purpose was my way of boosting my ego by imagining that I would do something great with the things that I was good at.
Where did this insecurity come from? For me it was due an attachment to becoming enlightened. Because I wanted to achieve this spiritual 'goal' I was grasping at an aligned expression of my soul (writing for example) and becoming attached to it, imagining that this outer expression of me would come when I attained enlightenment. Essentially I was identifying with the goal, thus creating a disparity between where I was at the time and where I wanted to be.
Moving beyond goal identity
How did I move beyond this? In truth it didn't come from one "Aha!" moment but a series of smaller realisations. Over time, my definition of 'being enlightened' changed as I realised that it's not some outer goal to be attained but rather a way of being in every moment. So, I dropped the notion of 'attaining' anything other than the most aligned expression of me in every moment.
I cannot give you one 'quick fix' answer here, as these realisations are unique to everybody and will come in their own time. They often come from fixed patterns, a lack of self worth that originates from childhood. The only thing I can say is to explore yourself in every moment - become the observer of your thoughts and emotions, and these realisations will come. If you resonate with what I've said, then test it for yourself with absolute honesty, and be patient. Work to transcend any distorted behaviours by accepting them fully and then looking deeper for the aligned expression.
Behind every distorted Ego expression is an aligned truth. Your soul wants to express, there's no running away from that. I still express myself through writings, not in the form of a novel (at the moment) but through my blog. The difference is that it is simply an up-welling of expression - whatever I feel to write about at the time. Thus, there is no attachment to an outcome. Having lots of people read it certainly serves to motivate me to continue - it is a positive feedback loop which shows me that I'm on the right track, but it's not something that I need to fulfill something inside of me. Thus, if I'm moved to go in a different direction I will, without feelings of loss.
Visions of the future
One thing I've come to realise is that time is not linear. All that exists is this moment of now. Past and future do exist, only as reflections of the present. The past happened but it's current existence depends entirely on our current perception of it. Visions of the future will come, but they are based on the present - the current direction I am heading in.
It is important to release attachment to these future visions. By clinging to one possible outcome you are limiting the pure potential of existence. Both life and ourselves are not fixed, but ever changing, flowing processes. So, our future may change depending on what is happening in the present.
Naturally occurring purpose
To me, our purpose occurs naturally through expressing who we are, fully, in every moment, in the most aligned way possible. Destiny, is simply the fulfillment of that purpose - i.e. the ripples you send out into the outside world as a result of that expression. So, if you feel that you're destiny has somehow evaded you in your life, don't worry - by expressing yourself as truly as you can, right here and now, you are already fulfilling it!
For further exploration, check out this lovely article by Nanice Ellis on purpose and the meaning of life.
- With Love,
If you would like help realising your own unique purpose please get in touch and book a session.
My name is Richard. I love to write, and here you can find my general musings, observations and articles. Enjoy!
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