'Who am I?' It's one of the most painful questions we can ask ourselves, and yet arguably the most powerful for our ultimate psychological and spiritual well-being. It comes from a place of total vulnerability that few dare enter, yet when asked earnestly it can lead to a dramatically increased sense of centredness, self-confidence and purpose. A loss of personal identity can be hugely de-stabalising, leading to grief and depression but it's also a great opportunity to shine a light on who you really are, deep down at your chore. It's what I've come to term Source Energy.
What is 'Source Energy?'
Once we become identified with our own source energy, we will begin to see life very differently. We are much clearer in ourselves and thus come from a place of total authenticity. We know what serves us and those around us and what doesn't. And we trust that by simply acting from this place, our life purpose will already be being fulfilled.
So, how do we sieve through the clutter of our personality and conditioning to get to this place?
Panning for Gold
Mindfulness - becoming 'The Observer'
It will be of great benefit to become the observer of our thoughts, emotions and body. This can be enhanced through meditation and mindfulness practice as well as body work such as yoga and tai chi. When we are coming from the place of the observer, we are able to pick up the relationship between our thought patterns (conditioning) and our emotions. If we notice that a particular thought is accompanied by a sense (often subtle) of needing the situation to be a certain way, then we are able to let it go.
In the beginning this will take some practice and concentration, but after a while 'the observer' will begin to dissolve into 'witness consciousness' which takes no effort at all as it is a natural aspect of our source energy.
Doing what you love
What really floats your boat? Do you have any hobbies that got forgotten or you just don't have time for? What did you love as child? If you can find what really drives your passion then you are taking a huge step closer to your source energy.
Finding the Aligned Expression of You
Firstly, it's very important to know that behind every distorted expression governed by fear or control, there is an aligned truth. You ARE expressing your truth in every moment - only, it gets distorted when you get attached to the drama. For example, it is easy to get addicted to things that give us pleasurable feelings, but these feelings are all accessible within you, without the use of outside enhancements.
An aligned expression of you is one that supports yourself and those around you, serving the highest good in any moment, without seeking to judge or control. We won't get it right all of the time, but we can trust that if we are coming from a place of authenticity, then we are supporting the highest good, even if that is to challenge someones limiting perspectives.
Let's take our earlier examples:
It is not an easy path, but it is a hugely rewarding one. It is likely to take many years to master. Don't be afraid to be confused sometimes - confusion is of the mind - it simply shows us that our limiting perspectives are breaking down. The key is being willing to be vulnerable and being totally honest with yourself. If you can master that, then you surely won't go far wrong.
Let's all remember this as new years resolutions start to kick in. We cannot be other than who we are. And that's something to be celebrated. 'There is no one alive who is 'youer' than you!'
Grief - such a powerful process - it can seem to suck the very life out of us at times, holding us and preventing us from progressing in life or interacting productively with those around us. It is thus very understandable that we may feel badly about grieving, wishing it away. But, is grief something to be resented, or can we learn to accept it as a necessary process?
Grief Comes to us All
So, lets first begin with brief exploration of why we grieve, and then look at how we can deal with the grieving process.
Why does Grief Happen?
Grief is our natural emotional reaction to loosing something that we have identified ourselves with. What does this mean? Well, we all have an inbuilt desire to explore who we are and find purpose. The problem is that we tend to associate ourselves with how we relate to things in the outside. Thus we create identities based on who we are in relation to given objects, people and circumstances.
Why is this a problem? It means that when we lose the object of our identity (as we most certainly will at some point) the part of ourselves that was associated with that object is fragmented and very difficult to recover.
For example when we lose a job, we may have associated it with a sense of purpose, achievement, and community. When we believe that it is the job that made us feel that way, then losing the job will will also rob us of those feelings until we find something new to latch onto that will renew those feelings in ourselves.
So I ask you this question. When we grieve, what are we grieving over?
Here's a perspective...
Identifying with the Feelings
However, with this realisation comes another danger. The danger is that the feelings are simply transferred to another object, person or circumstance. It is vitally important that we realise that these feelings are coming from inside of us and not from the outside. Thus, they are always accessible.
If we come to this realisation then we can see that these objects, people and circumstances are not reponsible for our feelings, but rather outlets for our expression of those feelings. And an outlet is simply that and thus not something to hold onto. Thus if we lose that outlet we don't necessarily lose the feelings. At this point you might be thinking 'Wait a minute, isn't seeing my dearest love as simply an outlet of expressing a little bit impersonal?' Well, it has been my experience that when we are able to take responsibility for our own feelings and not project them onto others, it is only then that we are able to honour that person and really love them unconditionally.
At this point I want to stress that although we may realise this, it doesn't mean that we won't grieve. It may only determine the speed and smoothness of the grieving process itself. There will always be emotions to process. We may experience the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, though not necessarily in that order or even sequentially. What is important is that we don't hold onto these feelings as this then creates another identity around them.
Emotions are simply our way of processing loss and recovering ourselves through it. Therefore, its not productive to hold onto them or create identities around them. For example, we may feel guilty about the impact that our grief is having on those around us, or angry about the way that the grief seems to be holding us back from progressing. But, if we realise that our emotions are not us, then they can be given the space to come through us.
And thus, when we can finally, truly, 100% accept the situation as it is there is no sense of resignation but an embracing of the moment and everything that means.
My name is Richard. I love to write, and here you can find my general musings, observations and articles. Enjoy!
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